#85: My Zone of Interest is Always in Motion

The meaning of "introauditing" and a reminder to use my ears first.

Currently listening to: Ears First by Mica Levi

Hello, friend.

What is an artistic experience you know will stick with you forever?

For me, it was watching Jonathan Glazer’s THE ZONE OF INTEREST (2023). As my wife and I sat in the theater while the lights dimmed into total darkness, the screen followed. There was nothing to see. Only a black void.

But then, there was sound—the first piece in Mica Levi’s brief score. Ears First, it is titled. Though we did not know it by name then, knowing it now lends greater meaning to the use of this haunting, primordial track. It signaled to us as viewers that we should be listeners first.

For those who have seen the film, you’ll remember how central sound design is to the experience of watching it. The story really happens in the audio. If you haven’t seen it, I’ll say little else and encourage you to give it a watch, with a gentle warning to be prepared for quite an emotionally difficult experience.

Many have called this Ears First a “descent into hell,” setting the stage for a soul-stealing film that depicts a demonic, unimaginably horrific slice of life inside the Holocaust. I agree with this characterization. It’s a true tone-setter.

However, I don’t want to write any more about the film or its score. I’d like to instead consider the film’s title in a completely different context.

THE ZONE OF INTEREST.

Where is my zone of interest?

Lately, I’ve been feeling a bit unmotivated when it comes to this newsletter/blog/personal-journal-thing of mine. I’ve been lacking inspiration, succumbing to the nerves of expectations. If you’ve been a reader of mine for a while now, you’ll remember occasions where I’ve acknowledged my gratitude to you for sticking with me through times where this “music blog” has seemed like it’s about anything but music.

It’s something I think about a lot when I compare my work to other writers on Substack, especially the music-focused writers whom I read the most. They seem so dedicated to their craft of engaging with albums, writing long and informed reviews, interviewing artists, and drawing from a deep well of music knowledge in their work. I deeply admire them.

As time has gone on—I’m quickly approaching the 2-year mark of writing these weekly letters—I’ve found myself increasingly struggling with the box of being a music writer. I love music. I love finding sneaky ties between music and other art forms. I also love finding ties between music and life’s bigger ideas like the meaning of our existence, of human consciousness, and of the way we communicate and organize ourselves socially.

As you already know, I’ve gotten really into collecting blu-rays recently. It’s no surprise I adore movies. They’ve come into my writing plenty—lately, almost as much as music. I’ve been feeling deeply inspired by and interested in films to the point that there’s been little room left for music.

My zone of interest has shifted. It seems to always be shifting.

I am always feeling the tug of something elsewhere pulling my interest away from my current fixation, like a mechanic trying to work beneath a moving car.

Is this normal? Do you feel like this too?

The positive I see in the way my zone of interest frequently shifts is that there is always that edge of excitement, that nip of novelty.

I seek stimulation. Last night, for example, I was at a hockey game with my wife, and the stadium was loud and bright, and things moved constantly all around us. I was completely comfortable. It’s no surprise that my body and mind seem to always be searching for the next stimulus, the next place where my zone of interest can fall, where I can suck up some more sugar of life.

The negative of this trait is that commitment can be hard for me.

While I’ve never felt this way in my relationships, committing to any project of substance, any hobby, any long-term goal has been a monumental ask. Is it just a short attention span or is it an endless craving for greater spiritual nourishment? I believe this is partially why my writing is mostly stream-of-consciousness and my approach to music and other art is the same. I’m a doodler and a sketcher. I’m an improviser. In these ways, at least I find myself thrilled at my ability to live in the moment—so there’s a silver lining there.

I am also a rambler, as you can tell. I don’t know where my words will take me, where my zone of interest will go. I choose the topics of these letters almost exclusively in the early hours of Friday mornings, just hours before I publish them to the world. That’s how hard it is to pin down my own zone of interest.

I am who I am because I want to move people.

- Issue #74: Identity Ends With a Why

I wrote that line back in January as I considered not just who I am, but why I am the way I am. I still agree with it, and, looking at it again, I am beginning to better understand this always-in-motion zone of interest of mine.

If my goal is to move others, perhaps it is so because I am always being moved myself—not just by music, but by everything.

There is, however, one crucial part of myself that doesn’t seem to change, from which I never move on.

I called this newsletter Hum, Buzz, & Hiss as a reminder to myself to use my ears first—though this is not always literal. I think the main reason I’ve stuck with HB&H is that I’ve found something eternally necessary in the listening that is required to write it.

It is the listening to myself.

Whereas introspection combines the latin intro- ("inward") and specere ("to look at, examine"), I think a more appropriate name for this activity would be introauditing (audit coming from audire, “to hear, listen”).

This is my outlet for what is bouncing around inside of me. This is my chance to use the ear of my heart and mind first. I don’t do therapy, so, in many ways, these weekly reflections have become my primary method for processing the way my life moves.

Life will always move forward. My zone of interest will likely always be a shifty one. But my ability to listen and audit myself will, hopefully, always remain.

For as long as I can still listen, I will follow the sound of music.

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The Living Music List

Hello again, friend. I hope you enjoyed today’s reflection—and I hope you consider doing some introauditing this weekend. Here’s some music to help score the process for you (without words this week given the long reflection).

Happy listening.

1. sunn O))) by SUNN O))) (album / post-metal, drone) [Sub Pop]

   

2. Stillform by Yui Onodera & Arovane (album / minimalist) [Affin]

   

3. Hinterlands by Green-House (album / melodic, electronic) [Ghostly International]

1. Connecters Vol 1: Original Recordings, 1992–1999 by Larrison (album / electronic) [Freedom to Spend]

   

2. POMPEII // UTILITY by Earl Sweatshirt, MIKE, & SURF GANG (double album / hip-hop/rap) [10k]

   

3. Distracted by Thundercat (album / jazz, soul) [Brainfeeder]

Music List Reminders: Bandcamp links provided first when available—if an album is not on Bandcamp, then YouTube, Soundcloud, or other preview links are provided. List format: Title by Artist (release type / approximate genre or subgenres) [Label].

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That’s all for this week’s issue. Thank you for reading. Until next time.

Your friend,

Melted Form

Read the previous issue of The Living Music List:

#84: Pristine

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