The Living Music List #14: On Inevitable Suffering
How art transforms negative into positive. Plus, new music from Rafael Anton Irissari, James Murray, Floating Points, Jordaan Mason, The Weeknd, and more
Read the previous issue of The Living Music List:
Currently listening to: Letting Go While Holding On by Nine Inch Nails
Trent Reznor’s work as Nine Inch Nails is iconic in many ways. NIИ is responsible for some incredibly dark industrial rock music that broke into the mainstream in the ‘90s. The Downward Spiral, widely included on greatest albums of all time lists, is a disconcerting yet compelling testament to Reznor’s suffering and self-hatred. More recently, his ambient work on the Ghosts family of albums takes a softer approach to still quite dark themes. Today’s featured track is one of my favorite cuts, and actually sounds rather bright, though there always seems to be a subtle undercurrent of unease lurking beneath even Reznor’s most hopeful efforts.
Reflection
Hello, friend.
Was there a negative event in your past that you believe defines who you are now?
I can confidently wager that every single one of us has gone through some shit. How big or small that shit is? That’s relative. Across time, pain and misfortune that felt massively overwhelming to us as kids ends up shrinking beneath the scope of adulthood’s challenges. Compared to the tribulations of less fortunate souls to which we were once oblivious, we might actually feel thankful for how insignificant our issues seem now.
But no matter how much time passes, how much distance we put between us and our worst moments, how many Vice documentaries we mindlessly watch on YouTube about victims of far worse fates, many of us still feel the weight of some kind of old hurt tugging at our waistbands, slowing and dragging us down, refusing to detach.
Or are we refusing to detach ourselves from it?
I have friends who were assaulted as young children by family members or friends of older siblings. I know those who have been parented by raging alcoholics and abusers. I was a witness of domestic violence between my parents as a kid.
There are those who suddenly lost beloved family members or fell prey to early drug abuse. There are those who were ravaged by illness or the lasting impact of surviving a school shooting. There are those who have lost everything to disaster or robbery or disability.
I list these broad but disturbing examples to avoid blunting my point with a single, unworthy summary of fact: Life can be pretty shitty, and we all know suffering.
Have you ever read Siddartha, friend? Basically, it’s a short novel doubling as a Buddhist proverb that follows the life of a man, Siddartha, who (spoiler alert) achieves enlightenment through the realization and appreciation of nature as a cyclical and self-sustaining whole. The key to nature’s completeness, Siddhartha finds, is the necessity of opposites. One thing cannot exist without the context of its opposite.
This is a familiar tale and lesson—we can’t be happy if we aren’t also sad sometimes. We can’t experience excitement without boredom, or calm without anxiety. Pixar’s INSIDE OUT films have visualized these dualities beautifully.
As familiar as this parable is, how often do we still get snagged on the thorns of our suffering? How often do we cling to those thorns, wallowing and struggling to leave past pain behind us?
I believe we do this very often because there is some part of our nature that, like Siddhartha, sees the necessity of the negativity and embraces it. Yet unlike Siddhartha, I believe we can hold on to the product of our suffering because it gives us a glimpse of the glory of martyrdom.
For example: How fucking cool is smoking cigarrettes? No, seriously—when was the last time you saw a character in a film or TV show light up and not think they looked so cool?
Obviously, it’s not the act of smoking that is cool in itself (don’t smoke, kids), but the aesthetic that tends to go with it—a little something to take the edge off. It’s almost always a coping mechanism, a habit built on the slightest buzz to counter those negative emotions we feel more than we want to.
Tommy Shelby in PEAKY BLINDERS is a WWI veteran with severe PTSD overcoming an opium addiction—to him, smoking a cigarette is probably like a mantra keeping him sharp (though probably not the kind of mantra that Siddhartha would have had in mind).
We romanticize sadness. We romanticize trauma. We romanticize negative coping mechanisms like smoking cigarettes because, well… coping with dark shit makes us feel human. We all experience suffering because it is inevitable in a world where peace and happiness exist. And, to be honest, leaning into that hurt can be a way we signal our need for connection with our fellow wretches. If you’ve ever shared a cigarette or a beer with a friend after you’ve both felt like you needed one, you know the allure of this shared indulgence in the face of suffering.
Let me rephrase the question with which I began this letter—do you feel defined by your past suffering?
There’s no right or wrong answer here. Our suffering is a part of who we are, and depending on the scale of its impact, it may very likely have led you down a certain path. Survivors of violence or domestic abuse may go on to work with organizations that support current victims. Kids who survived school shootings may be dedicated activists advocating for gun control.
Molding your experience of suffering into motivation to help others suffer less is one of the greatest products of suffering. Representing the impact of negative emotions in our art is also important and encouraging.
I’ve written once about how I’ve become aware of the echoes of my suffering escaping through my music. The world would not be complete without music that is dark and haunting, and lyrics that are raw and devastating, and stories that show the worst aspects of the human experience.
We create a lot of art that dwells on our suffering and seeks to understand it, to question why it exists and if it led to anything positive. We create art about our suffering to plead with the rest of the world to not let suffering like ours continue. We make it for our own catharsis and to be seen by others battling their own pain—and to show them they are not alone.
Above all, we create art from suffering as an acknowledgment and a statement that all of our most painful moments can become something beautiful. It’s a rebellious act crafting something from this source of inspiration we never wanted. It’s an artist’s way of saying: Fine, if you’re going to put me through this, I’m going to use it my way.
Us humans are defined by our suffering, but we as artists get to choose those definitions. We get to decide what positivity to bring into the world as a result of the negativity we experienced without choice or fault of our own. In doing so, we become the ones who help maintain balance in the world.
Your suffering is your superpower. It is your art’s secret ingredient. It was inevitable, but it is not immutable. Use it and transform it into a reminder that suffering cannot exist without its opposite.
Music Recommendations
Hello again, friend.
Thank you for reading today’s post. I hope you enjoyed the reflection—and I hope your weekend is filled with peace and joy and love and good music and everything that is the opposite of suffering.
To kickstart that, let’s get into today’s lists of new music recommendations.
One quick announcement: Labels are now included for ambient releases! Label names are shown in [brackets] at the end of each listing. I know that many ambient fans flock to new releases from their favorite labels, so I thought it was worth adding to my lists. If a release has no label, “Independent” will be included in place of a label name.
Happy listening. By the way: There are some really promising releases in the all genres list this week, highly recommend exploring that list too if you typically skip it.
The Living Music List—Ambient
Note: All of the below ambient projects are available on Bandcamp. * denotes reader-submitted work—thank you!
Control Your Soul’s Desire for Freedom by Rafael Anton Irisarri (single / drone, shoegaze) [Black Knoll Editions / Bandcamp]*
Weeds by James Murray (album / drone, experimental) [quiet details / Bandcamp]
The Draft Of A Ball by Teleporter Scape Orchestra (album / noise, field recordings) [Independent / Bandcamp]
A Great Blue Heron Patiently Waits In The River by Ki Oni (album / drone) [Florina Cassettes / Bandcamp]
I Feel (a) Love (Supreme) by Tuluum Shimmering (album / drone, psybient) [Independent / Bandcamp]
Void Voyager by Zalys (album / space, electronic) [Independent / Bandcamp]
The Sacred Valley by D York (album / field recordings, drone) [Neotantra / Bandcamp]
S.F.A.G. 31.11.1981 by M.B. (album / noise, experimental) [Eighth Tower Records / Bandcamp]
Eventually Everything by Last Ceremony (album / drone, experimental) [Neotantra / Bandcamp]
Bury My Heart In The Mountains by Rothko (album / electroacoustic, field recordings) [Independent / Bandcamp]
The Living Music List—All Genres
Note: All of the below projects are available on major streaming services.
IS THERE A BETTER NAME FOR THE THINGS THAT ACHE AND DOES IT MATTER WHEN THE EARTH MOVES ANYWAY by Jordaan Mason (single / folk)
Dancing In The Flames by The Weeknd (single / R&B/soul)
Transparent Things by Gia Ford (album / indie pop)
Blush by Brandon (EP / alt R&B)
Cascade by Floating Points (album / electronic)
Dreamweaver by Trentemøller (album / alternative)
Pointy Heights by Fousheé (album / alternative)
Memoir of a Sparklemuffin by Suki Waterhouse (album / alternative)
SHINBANGUMI by Ginger Root (album / indie pop)
Requiem by keshi (album / pop)
The Forest Is The Path by Snow Patrol (album / alternative)
I’m Not Afraid Of Music Anymore by COIN (album / alt pop)
Dayglow by Dayglow (album / alternative)
Études Mélodiques by Marie Awadis (album / contemporary classical)
what is a heart? by wilo wilde (album / dance)
Those Wings (ft. Jonathan Russell of The Head and the Heart) by Matt Pond PA (single / alternative)
Shirt by Porches (album / alternative)
No Way To Relax When You Are On Fire by Dora Jar (album / alternative)
The Pre-Party by Juice WRLD (EP / hip-hop/rap)
Waiting For A Sign by Hataali (album / indie pop)
Chastity by Chastity (album / punk)
380/750 by Bill Converse & Patricia (EP / techno)
The Judas Cradle by WTCHCRFT (EP / electronic)
île Flottante by Mr. Beatnick (album / dance)
Familiarity by Henry Green (album / electronic)
Coming Soon: FAÇADISMS by Rafael Anton Irisarri
Rafael Anton Irisarri is releasing a highly-anticipated new album, FAÇADISMS, on November 8. Per the press release: “Composed over a span of three years, a late capitalist lament of simmering electric desolation emerged… Irisarri’s obsessiveness with repeating motifs throughout his work mirrors the cyclical nature of our tumultuous history.” The first single from FAÇADISMS is #1 on today’s Ambient portion of the Living Music List.
You can learn more and pre-order FAÇADISMS on Bandcamp.
Thanks to Karen Vogt of Irisarri’s Black Knoll Editions label for sharing more info about this exciting forthcoming release. Karen was featured in last week’s newsletter for her collaboration with Markus Guentner.
Are you an artist or label owner/employee and want a more in-depth feature of your upcoming release like this one? Get in touch with me at meltedform@gmail.com.
That’s all for this week’s issue. Thank you for reading. Until next time.
Your friend,
Melted Form
Remember to listen to the hum, buzz, & hiss of the world around you—there is music to be heard there.
P.S. Did you see I shared a bonus post this week, starting a new monthly series called What I’m Listening to Today (WILTT)? Check it out to see some of my daily listening recommendations from the month of August, including tracks and albums both old and new. And consider downloading the Substack app so you can follow along with my posts on Substack Notes and see these extra recommendations as soon as I post them.
